Friday, June 29, 2012

The Death of a Dream

" the apparent death of a dream will move our heart through the stages of mourning... I know.. I have seen dreams vanquished... one day of tears for a dream so closely held will not complete the healing."
-My mother to me back in 2007

How right were her words. For this day, five years later, I still cry for the dream so closely held. It is as fresh now as it was then. It looked different, different things caused it, but it was for the same dream. Back in 2007 I had to lay that dream down before the throne of God and tell Him that it was in His hands. I am saying that again now in 2012, it is in His hands. Only this time I had been so much closer to that dream becoming a reality, only to have to let it go again.

I would be lying if I didn't say that it stings. I've carried this dream in my heart for six years and have yet to see it become something tangible. Not many people would keep holding on after so many years and here I go again, to wait another year. Here's the thing though, I realize the closer I get to seeing my dream live, even though I watched it die again today, I have a hope that it will resurrect. This is not the end. This is rather, just the beginning.

We live in a time when everyone wants what they want, NOW, not later. My life is contrary to this. Even though I want what I want, NOW. I know that all good things come to those who wait.

When times seem desperate and I'm searching for a kind word, I often jump on the web and go to to see what their verse of the day is. Today's hit me like a wall of compassion because it made me realize that God didn't think this was the end of my dream either.

"The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9 

Ok I know I may be taking this verse out of context, but I know He still used it to speak to me and I had to share it with you. Maybe you are in a similar place, watching a dream dying... Or maybe you are still trying to figure out what your God-given dreams are. Or maybe your dream seems to be slow at coming to pass. Well, maybe it's because God has a bigger plan for it and it can only get bigger if it dies now.

It reminds me of seeds. I heard once that a seed must die before it can blossom into something wonderfully creative. Our dreams can be like that, they must die to grow...

I want to finish with a story from a fabulous book called the Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge (if you haven't read it, you SERIOUSLY should get it and read it, it's AMAZING). Anyway, they talk about a friend of theirs asking this question about God "How can you love such a wild Lover?" Their answer to her was this, "When you know His good heart for you." 

That story always reminds me of Noah. He waited years for his dream too. It was something like a HUNDRED YEARS for his dream to become a reality. Can you imagine waiting that long?! He was laughed at, mocked, belittled, I even imagine some people considered him the crazy old man with that weird thing he called a boat. His family probably became the butt of many jokes as well. Yet no matter what happened, no matter who persecuted him, he trusted in God's good heart for him. If he had succumbed to the constant pressure or hadn't trusted in God's goodness, we wouldn't be here today. Makes me reassess my situation.

It's true. Though it feels and looks like God has abandoned me, the truth is, He's right here, that really His heart for me is good and that through this current pain and difficulty, He is just creating something Bigger. To steal from my facebook status today "I choose to trust in Him no matter what the circumstances. He stays the same today, yesterday and tomorrow and the truth is, that He loves us and has a plan for our lives- to prosper us, to give us hope and a future bigger than our present circumstances."

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