Choosing Joy

If there's one thing our present age pushes, one agenda everyone seems to get behind it's this, "Do what makes you happy." Here's my opinion on the matter. Forgive me in advance for being blunt... It's a bunch of crap. Please, don't fall for this lie!

I get so angry when I see or hear this, not because I want everyone to be as grumpy as the Grinch, no! On the contrary, I want people to choose Joy.

What's the difference?

The Happy motto says if you aren't happy with what you're doing with your life, your marriage, your job, etc, then get out of it! Get a divorce, change jobs, travel the world.

Joy's motto is to find the jewels amongst the junk and keep persevering as you climb the mountain. Hold on to tenacity and keep adventuring.

Joy is the silver lining in a world full of dark gloomy clouds.

There are many things in my life I could get really angry about, and honestly, I have. I've pounded my keyboard in frustration, filled the silence of my house with the most dramatic bawling sessions ever and even told my closest family and friends, "I give up!" I get close too.

I tell myself I'm done with a certain situation, that those people are gonna know how I REALLY feel. And I pound the keys to write them a monologue of rage. But then, surprisingly enough, Joy stops me. That saucy little minx!

Just when I've worked myself up Joy tells me to find the silver lining in my situation and hold on until the clouds roll away.

Once a few years ago, I was hanging laundry in my back yard, something I LOVE to do (can you hear the sarcasm?) and as I grabbed the next peg the sky went dark. I grumbled quietly to myself and bickered to God about how inconvenient it would be if it rained. But in my stubbornness, I kept pegging my clothes and willed the sky to brighten.

At some point during my rant, I heard that still small voice tell me to "Look up". I did and what I saw was very disorienting.

When it had grown dark, I'd imagined the whole sky full of clouds, but I'd never actually looked up, I just ranted to God and kept pegging my clothes. When I finally did glance up all that had happened was one small, dark cloud had stepped right in front of the sun, blocking its brightness from the world around me.

I was speechless.

I'd taken a molehill and turned it into a mountain.

This little story is a constant reminder to me that regardless of my situations, or how dark I think my world is getting, especially now in light of the coronavirus. I have no idea how big or small the cloud really is but I know that turning into a rage monster about it isn't going to do anyone any good.

Life is tough. Situations suck, there are times we must mourn and cry. Times where we're facing on expansive sky of dark, boiling clouds, but I guarantee you, there is still Joy to be found. 

Regardless of how big the storm there's still a silver lining because God is still good. 

I recently came across this verse, "... and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy." (Ps. 19:5b, emphasis mine) It got me thinking ... Choosing the road of Happiness is for the weak. It takes a strong man to run a race and still be joyful at the end. 

Maybe I'm taking this verse out of context, but the principle still applies. I've volunteered at enough Ironman Marathons to know how much strength it takes for the winner to still raise their arms and smile in victory. I've seen competitors less than a mile away from the finish line have to stop because their muscles physically won't cooperate anymore. 

Choosing Joy is not for the faint of heart, but it's what God calls us to do. Weeping may last for the night, but His Joy does come in the morning and most importantly we must realize and know it's His Joy that gives us the strength to carry on and keep moving forward.

Recently, I was visiting one of the oldest castle ruins in Scotland. It hugs the coast of Loch Ness and has thousands and thousands of untold stories about the people and events that went on there. At one point the place was sacked by those living there to keep it from being a home and defense for the enemy. 

As I was taking in this ancient place, searching the dark waters of the loch for Nessie and pondering where life has taken me, I found myself starting to worry about many things. Covid-19, a visa situation in a land I've called home for 12 years and the possibility of not being allowed to live there anymore -- what would that mean for my future, where was my future, and what even am I doing with my life -- were all questions that started to pile up in my head. 

I didn't want to think about such things in this beautiful place but I couldn't stop myself. Then I heard that gentle voice tell me to turn around. I'd been focused on the distant horizon, where the sky met the distant shore in golden rimmed clouds, it was beautiful and terrifying, but what lay behind me was what God wanted me to see.

When I turned, I saw a brilliant rainbow arching over the castle ruins. It was magical. Complete with a breeze that whispered hope. Standing in this wildness, in the midst of the most gentle storm ever, God spoke to me with that rainbow. 

It was a promise.

A promise that no matter what life throws at me that He will be there. It's not that everything is going to be well, it's that even in the dark He will be there. It's like the Pevensie children when they asked about Aslan. 

It's not safe, but that there will be goodness in the wild.

Whatever difficulties you may be facing right now, I hope you cling to Jesus and choose Joy, because I know he'll lift you on to his shoulders, point to the roiling clouds with a twinkle in his eye and show you those hidden silver linings. 

Knowing this has changed my perspective of the storm. I get excited when I see it coming because I know my Papa God is gonna pull me closer, take me deeper, and I'll be a richer person because of this present struggle -- because even spiritual and mental muscles have to be strained in order to grow.

So, how about it ... you with me?

Dancing, bulls and God's tattoo's

A few years ago I wrote a letter to one of my favourite authors. I told him about my writing, never expecting him to respond, but hoping he would.

He did! Now years later his words still haunt me.

"As for your writing, I hope you continue to dance with the bulls."

These words speak of something I've let go, something I need to remember.

In the last month one of my favorite things has fallen into the background, lying under a layer of dust, forgotten.

My love for writing.

Excuses are like cancer

I've let my writing drift to the back burner. I've also stopped working out. I'm frustrated until I remember, it's not hard to see why these things have slipped into the background.

I am currently in the middle of production on an independent feature film. My roles on set so far have included Producer, Casting Director and 1<sup>st Assistant Director.

My plate is pretty full.

However, what I'm realizing is this is becoming an excuse.

When was Excuses invited?

Yes, life is busy. Good busy. I love my life, but I don't want all these wonderful things I'm doing to be shaded with the color of excuses.

If I continue choosing to let the busyness of life become an excuse then I will never get a book published, I will never reach my goal weight & I will never reach any other goal I set for myself.
Why? Because Excuses will rule my life & before I know it, I'll be 50 & wonder what happened.

New goal.

STOP making excuses. There will always be one. "Oh I'm too tired." "I'm sick." "I tried, but it never worked out." "I'll do it later, or tomorrow, or next week."

Excuses are endless and they seek to devour our life, but I don't want to let it anymore.

God has tattooed our hearts

When I read Divergent by Veronica Roth I was inspired to be like the main character Tris, who gets a tattoo of a bird to remind herself of the fears she's choosing to overcome.

I'm not gonna lie, after reading the book I wanted to go out and get a tattoo.

Like now.

Something that would be there for life to remind me of God's call, the one He put deep in my soul & tells me I am created for so much more than this.

That will inspire me when I'm tempted by excuses.

I already know what it will look like. A girl dancing with bulls. Even though those big, ferocious animals scare the crummy out of me, I'm going to choose to dance with them instead of letting my fear get the better of me.

Excuses aren't allowed, only dancing with bulls is welcome.

We can try to silence the call God has placed in us & we can throw every excuse in the book at it, but it'll still be there like a persistent badger, because He's already tattooed it on our hearts.

A forever mark of how we are meant to live.

It's His call to adventure, whispering "I've got bigger plans for you." The moment we let this call to adventure free the more God can show us how limitless we are when He's leading our lives.

With God, nothing is impossible. Especially when we choose to toss Excuses out the door.

New challenge.

Kick Excuses out. Choose the limitless adventure of God's call. Let Him remind me of the dreams & stories he's got me to tell. Put pen to paper. Get my running shoes on & get out the door.

Life is full of tomorrows that will never come.

It's time to run.

New Year's Revelations

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." -- Bilbo Baggins to his nephew Frodo Baggins, from J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings.

Normally, the first month of a new year is spent creating New Year's Resolutions and working toward being healthier, more productive, spending more time with our families, being more creative, being more positive, etc etc. The goal we seem to aim for is to ultimately: be a better person.

But this year, I'm not buying into the mentality.

Instead, I'm choosing to put my focus back where it should be. On God.

I'm a missionary, so this shouldn't be hard, right? But, I'm also a filmmaker and writer and an aspiring actress. Finding room for God can sometimes be difficult. Especially, when I come home at the end of a long day and just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie or read a good book. Or sleep!

Unrealistic Expectations

One of the reasons I'm passing on making a list of resolutions is because I often create an unrealistic goal for myself: learn ten new languages, take lessons in modern dance, ballet, jazz and hiphop, go to acting classes and take voice lessons, read 100 books in a year, write six novels, make twelve movies. Produce seven plays.

These are all good things, but in my hype and determination I shoot for the moon and don't even end up in the stars.

I'm not saying you shouldn't go for your dreams. Write the resolutions if it inspires you, but remember what's most important.

God.

All my life, I've been told the Big Story God had for me would be impossible without him. It made me feel important to God that he wanted to keep me so close and give me such a huge story.
I was going to star in an epic!

Then life happened. The journey started. The road got bumpy and I wished I'd listened a bit more to Bilbo Baggins who warned Frodo to keep his feet, because there really is no knowing where you might be swept off to.

What I realized is, when my focus was on the New Year's Resolutions I thought making the list was half-way to living that life and not only the start. I wanted it now as so many of us in the microwave generation do. So when it was harder and took longer, or even when I failed I let guilt take over.

My focus was on the impossible goal.

Not where it should be.

On God.

That's why this year, I'm taking a different approach. I'm not making the list of resolutions because I know if I fix my focus on God and getting to know him more I'll actually reach better goals and become a, truly, healthier person.

It'll happen by osmosis. Not because I don't still try to go for my goals, but because I will see all my goals through a filter of love and truth. I can still shoot for the moon and instead of only landing among the stars, I'll pass this galaxy and go to the next.

Do you understand what I mean? I'm not saying I'll get my goal or even reach it. I'm saying I'll discover the better thing. The richer life.

Unexpected Realities

When God told me I was to pursue acting and filmmaking, I thought that meant going to Hollywood. I thought he'd help me get my own star on the Walk of Fame.

I could see myself kneeling on the pavement and pressing my hands into the soft cement, with a crowd of fans and paparazzi taking my picture. And like most kids, I'd stand in front of my mirror, hold a Barbi or my hairbrush and thank the Academy again for my fourth consecutive Oscar for Best Actress.

And then God told me to move to Australia. I thought maybe it was just a detour on the way to Tinseltown. A blip, so to speak.

But, that "detour" has lasted almost ten years.

It wasn't until a few years ago I realized this wasn't the blip. This was the Big Story God had for me and I needed to stop seeing it as temporary.

It was then I looked back on the journey so far and saw how much richer my life was. No, I didn't have my own star on the Walk of Fame, but I had a family of filmmakers who I could trust and do life with. I was living as a filmmaker and actress and writer.

Not aspiring anymore, but doing it. Living it.

And when I looked closer, I realized time and time again, all the films I'd worked on, all the stories I'd gotten to write had one thing in common. They came about when I stopped striving to be a better person and when I focused in on loving God and getting to know this amazing and mysterious being who liked to create as much, and even more, than I did.

He brought them into my life.

When we put our focus in the right place -- on God -- there's more freedom for him to create the BIG Story in our lives, the epic adventures.

It actually makes me see Bilbo's comment in another light, like he was excited to tell Frodo to watch where his feet took him. Because with God, there really is no knowing where you might be swept off to. It's all part of the Big Story God wants to tell with our lives and it can only happen if our focus is fixed on him.

It was a new revelation and I want to dive in head first.

Are you up for the adventure?

Originally published on Christian Today.

Producing Powerful Motion Pictures

I must be crazy. Or insane. Probably a bit of both. Which is why I volunteered for something crazy and insane.

I'd like to say I feel a little like Katniss Everdeen, taking on the big bad Capitol, but I don't feel nearly as brave. Instead, I feel like a clown, trying to learn to juggle chain saws, while riding a unicycle on a tight-rope fifty feet in the air. In the middle of a raging storm.

Which would be totally awesome to witness, but pretty difficult to achieve.

Volunteering as tribute

So what did I do that's so crazy and insane? I volunteered, nay, asked to be the producer of our next feature film. Which means I'm now responsible to see everything come together for 90 minutes of film.

Oh, but it gets better.

It's an independent film. Which means there's no big company backing us, not a lot of resources and zero finances.

The struggle's real

I really am crazy and insane. And I love it.

Let me compare the journey to Star Wars for a moment. Everyone loved the original saga and I'm convinced it's because everything was done on a tight budget with limited resources. Half the programs filmmakers today take for granted didn't exist then.

In fact they were created because people like George Lucas had to think outside the box to get the job done.

Or another example, Peter Jackson and Weta Workshop. They had to think outside the confines of celluloid to fully create the world of Middle Earth and in the process they too created a new term for the film world. "Bigatures." Small enough to house an entire city within a warehouse and big enough to actually be used in a shot.

One of my favourite directors, J.J. Abrams did a Tedtalk titled The Mystery Box. He shared a story about working with Tom Cruise on Mission Impossible 3 and how he had to think outside the normal filmmaking traditions, to capture a ten second shot. I won't give you all the juicy details, because you should watch it.

But the lesson is the same.

The harder the struggle, the more powerful the film.

Well, this film is going to be quite the struggle to make. Which is why I'm loving how crazy and insane I am. Because it's going to be good.

Actually it's going to be a great adventure.

It's a hero's journey kinda thing

This next year is going to be insane and crazy. Did you catch that yet? But mostly it's going to be an incredible journey.

Anyone who studies story will know about Joseph Campell's Monomyth and how every protagonist experiences a call to adventure. Well as a filmmaker, my call to adventure was the idea of becoming a producer.

The next part in my journey is whether or not I accept the call and cross the threshold. I know there will be great days, bad days and days in-between where I won't know what to do, but that's part of what makes this a journey. An adventure.

Or rather, a life worth living.

J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, said this, "The most useless are those who never change through the years."

I don't want to be useless. So I'm accepting the call and crossing the threshold. I really am like Katniss taking on the Capitol -- really what this means is I get to challenge myself, to see what I have to offer.

If I'm successful, then by the end of this year, I'll be sitting in an air-conditioned room, with the lights dimmed and my name splashing across the screen under the title "Producer". And when I see my name flash across the screen, it will be followed by a powerful film.

I've applied this idea to my world of filmmaking because I don't want to be useless in my field, but the truth is, it can be applied to all of life.

Every single one of us go on a journey.

Several in fact, and the more we choose the new world (new concept or idea) and step out of the familiar, the more we will grow as people.

So, how about it... you ready to produce something powerful?

Originally published on Christian Today.

Contentment might require more than we think

"Then something Tookish woke up inside him, & he wished to go & see the great mountains, & hear the pine-trees & the waterfalls, & explore the caves, & wear a sword instead of a walking-stick." The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien

I find myself googling exotic new places and wondering how long I'd have to save up in order to buy a ticket and go.

I thought something Tookish had woken up inside me, but it doesn't feel right. Doesn't feel quite Tookish.

It's because it's not the desire to adventure, but the desire to escape.

It's the loss of contentment.

Discontentment

I'd blame it on growing up as a missionary kid. We lived all over the place and even when we did
settle in Hawaii for ten years, we still moved around a lot. Changing apartments and houses every couple of years. But it's not the same, I was never running from something.

And now. I find myself living in a place I've lived for more than ten years, in the same job and I don't see it changing anytime soon.

There's a big part of me that misses the adventure of new places and new friends and an even bigger part of me that's terrified of a future settled in one place.

I can't help but shake my head at myself. I'm a filmmaker. Life is never the same. I never know where we're going to be shooting next, or what story we'll tell.

So why the discontented feels?

Vulnerability

I got my first clue a couple years ago, I sat down for an interview for another episode in our Making The Out of the Woods Project. Friend and fellow writer, Brenden Bell, asked me, "What's the hardest part about planting yourself somewhere?"

I had to laugh when he asked because it's something I feel like I'm still learning and as I stumbled through an answer it finally came to me.

The hardest part is how vulnerable I have to be.

Being vulnerable with the people in our lives is very, well, vulnerable. It's scary. It means they'll see me at my best but they'll also see me at my worst.

And what if they don't like me after seeing my worst?

But after more than ten years of friendship with some of these people I've realised something else very important.

They still love me.

Still call me friend after all the crazy years.

It's not been an easy road, the things I've struggled with, the losses I've experienced and my general drama queen status have not made it easy for them to be around me all the time, but they've still chosen to make an effort.

I remember one time when I was really struggling with self doubt. The director of our company came up to my desk and asked if I was ready for our meeting. We had no meeting scheduled, but I got up and followed him out of the room.

As soon as we moved out of the office I looked at him questioningly, he smiled and said, "I knew you just needed to get out of the office and talk."

It was a precious moment. He took the time out of our incredibly busy schedule to connect with my vulnerability.

This is something we need more in our society.

Both being vulnerable and sticking with people in their vulnerabilities.

Instead of flinging hateful words at each other and abandoning people because they annoy us or we just don't want that in our lives, I think we should challenge ourselves to stick it out. To force ourselves to keep walking with someone.

It won't just help the person we choose to keep walking with, but I believe it will help us to be better people too.

It won't be easy and there will be times when we want to just walk away, but if we hold to the course, we may just find that we change the world for the better and our Facebook feeds will be full of smiling faces of friends verses enemies.

It's a simple idea, but what if it could work?

Originally published on Christian Today.

Embracing My Tookish Side

A couple years ago a few friends and I went to the annual Abbey Medieval Festival to spend a day in the past.

Not only did I learn and experience new things from everyday life of the Medieval past, but I learned about the sub-culture of the festival re-enactors too and it woke something "Tookish" inside of me.

“Then something Tookish woke up inside him, & he wished to go & see the great mountains, & hear the pine-trees & the waterfalls, & explore the caves, & wear a sword instead of a walking-stick.” The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien

At one of the many canvas tents was a mud-oven where re-enactors were baking hardy, brown bread. They were passing it out to all of us when another re-enactor came bounding up to get a piece of the delicious bread too and after a cute little exchange he bounded away again with his fresh and tasty treasure.

The girl slicing the bread looked at us with a sparkle in her eye, said "That's my dad." and went back to preparing pieces for us to try & it suddenly hit me - this big event wasn't just a once a year party for us medieval loving people, but for these re-enactors it was a way of life.

A New Way of Life

After this, I spent about an hour talking with two other re-enactors, each dressed to the nines as medieval knights. One was wearing a chain-mail shirt he hand made.

During our chat I mentioned the girl and her father and the two knights' eyes lit up. They began telling me how there were 3rd generation re-enactors at the festival, the kids of re-enactors had raised their kids in this sub-culture and now those kids were part of the festival too.

Imagination ignited, I tried to picture the life these people led. They were living in the past and present all at once, totally embracing the fullest they could get out of both. They all made their own clothes - even their shoes! They all slept in canvas tents during the festival, eating mutton cooked over open fires, singing old songs and drinking honeyed mead. The REAL festival happened when all us "tourists" left & they got a moment living in the past.

There was something about this that stirred my soul. I'm still searching for an actual name for it, I've been searching for years. The closest I've come to naming it is what writers John Eldridge and Brent Curtis call a "Haunting" in their book The Sacred Romance. Or what Erwin Raphael McManus calls the "Barbarian" in his book The Barbarian Way.

These names are great, but for me they still lack something... maybe it's because "IT" is too big for one or two words.

A New Type of Adventure

How can we encapsulate a feeling and way of life in one word?

All I know is this "It", this "stirring" is raw and gritty. It's sun burnt faces with dirt etched into every wrinkle and pore, it's deep laugh lines and fierce eyes, it's knowing who and Who's you are, it's living boldly and passionately even in the midst of the scariest, deadliest storm. It's the great, big and wild adventure God calls each of us to live.

So often we want our lives to be plastic clean, or just safe and cozy like a warm little hobbit hole I know about, but God's adventure is quite the opposite.

I always think of impulsive Peter who was ready to follow Jesus everywhere- even death. Who couldn't believe he would ever deny or abandon his Lord, who took up a sword and cut a man's ear off, because he thought he was defending his friend. He was raw and passionate and many times Jesus had to bring him correction.

No doubt most us would look at a man like that and scowl at his rough-around-the-edges attitude, but not Jesus. Instead, Jesus saw how passionately Peter wanted to be part of the 'Haunting', 'Barbarian' way of life and it was Peter he chose as the foundation of his church.

"And I tell you that you are Peter, & on this rock I will build my church, & the gates of Hades will not overcome it." Matthew chapter 16, verse 18

It's our choice whether we will choose to risk it all for the sake of the better and bigger story or stay safe in our cosy little hobbit holes.

I, for one, will be following in Bilbo, Peter's and those medieval re-enactors steps, you'll probably see me running down that Road shouting "I'm going on an adventure."

Wanna join me?

I am Verity's Man

Over the Easter weekend I found myself volunteering for a large music festival. I slept in a tent, had no access to a mirror or soap & spent four sleepless nights, wrapped from head to toe in almost every piece of clothing I brought with me. My travel mug full of hot water became my impromptu heater, but still I tossed and turned on the cold, hard ground, only to wake from the few hours of sleep sore & so very tired, but I was a leader so I needed to be on top of my game. Look sharp, awake, joyful and not bicker about my circumstances. My hours were different from all my friends, so most of the time I was left alone and all I really wanted to do was sleep or cry. Then I watched Mel Gibson's The Passion. I've seen this film so many times, but with the unique experience of my own suffering, I saw with new eyes the pain Jesus experienced.

My appetite for the milk chocolatey goodness of Easter eggs suddenly lacked enthusiasm. 

I can only imagine the fullness of his experience and pain. Friends betrayed him with a kiss, he was wrongly accused, beaten, mocked and cursed. He called his friends to pray with him, but they couldn't even stay awake for an hour, he begged his father to remove the call on his life, but always came back to choosing his father's will and not his own, knowing it led to a cross. No wonder he was sweating blood. (Luke 22:44)

Can you imagine such crazy love?

He didn't let his pain or hurt lead him away from the road to the cross. Instead he fixed his eyes on Papa God and kept taking one step at a time toward the road to death.

Here comes the uncomfortable bit. We've been called to die too. Not a literal death, but a death to our self or flesh. That selfish place within each of us that demands we have our way. I for one fight my flesh on a daily basis and I don't always win... in choosing death however, we are called to a richer living. A living to God.

"Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus."                                                                              Romans 6:8-11 (emphasis mine)

But the life he lives he lives to God...

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to teach on the subject of worship. I was so excited to really dig into the word and discover new hidden treasures of what it means to worship Him but not all of what I discovered was very comfortable and friendly like so many of the worship songs now a days make it sound. In fact one of the most often used words for worship comes from a meaning to give homage like a dog licking his masters hand. This imagery forced me to reevaluate what I think of when it comes to worship and living for God.

Homage. I like this word. 

There's something deep and hidden behind this simple word. To give homage is to belong to someone. In the olden days it was what happened to a man who lived on the king's land. In exchange of the land they were to live as the king's vassal, to be his man and give him homage, to go to war if called on or to stand with the king. It was a public declaration of belonging. When people came across these men, they would call them a "King's man" or the "King's vassal".

I came across an example of this in an unlikely novel I read recently, it digs deep into what it means to be the king's vassal or man. In this book, by Robin Hobb, a young boy who's the illegitimate son of king-in-waiting Chivalry, is given a promise by king Shrewd (his grandfather) that if he accepts his place as a king's man the king will make sure he has what he needs and will train him in swordplay, court manners, etc. The boy agrees to this promise and suddenly his life is no longer his own. 

It's the same with us. As soon as we choose Christ our lives our not our own anymore. When we choose to live our lives to Him we can no longer live our lives to our selves. Another example. When the boy in this novel is challenged to do a hard task for his king and everything within him is saying "no" he has to come to terms with the promise he agreed to, his life is to do the kings will. Anything less is treason. Even uttering a whispered complaint or challenge about the king's order is too close to treason for comfort. Likewise we no longer live for our will but for His. Anything less should be considered treasonous to our Papa King. Not because of some legalistic ideal, but because of our crazy love to honor and respect the King of kings.

Going back to the novel, this boy who has no name becomes known for his loyalty to king-in-waiting Verity, his uncle. He continually sets his self aside for the greater good of the kingdom, he submits his will to the king and because of this people call him "Verity's man".

I want to be Verity's man.  To be God's man.

It's not an easy road though. My self still shouts to be heard and demands rights it has no right to demand. I don't have any rights any more. I gave all that away as soon as I chose Jesus, because choosing Jesus means dying to my self and sin and living to God. Living a life of obedience, not because I have to but because I want to return some of that crazy love Jesus has for me.

I looked up what it means to "live to God." It comes from the Greek word záō which means* to live, breathe, be among the living, not lifeless, not dead. To enjoy real life, to have true life worthy of the name. It's something active, blessed, endless in the kingdom of God. To live in the manner of the living and acting of mortals and character. It's a living water, having vital power in itself and exerting the same upon the soul. The metaphor is to be in full vigor, to be fresh, strong, efficient. As an adjective it is active, powerful and efficacious.

All that in one little word. Live.

One of my favorite lines in Lord of the Rings is when Samwise Gamgee is holding the One Ring and looking out at the vast wasteland of Mordor. The ring is tempting him with this barren landscape, and he knows that all he has to do is put the ring on and he can transform the dead earth to a living garden, the best the whole of Middle Earth will ever see. Sam is a gardener. The temptation is great. But then Tolkien writes, "But it was the love of his master that stayed his hand." It was Frodo's crazy love and Sam's desire to return that crazy love that kept him from temptation.

Oh that we would all be a little more like Sam and stay our hands from evil because of that crazy love Jesus has for us.

Life is full of difficulties and detours, but if we can keep our eyes fixed like Jesus and keep walking the road He has for us we can experience the crazy love in fullness and know what it is to really live to God.

So here's where I start. This is my public declaration, I am God's man. I am His vassal. I may not always like the things He calls me to, I know my flesh will fight because of the uncomfortable places I go because of obedience to Him, I will be ridiculed, mocked, wrongly accused and more, but how can I not return His crazy love for me, by choosing death to sin and self, for the living he has in store for those who choose it? What about you? Are you ready for this kind of adventure?

*meaning of záō can be found in Strong's #2198, http://www.studylight.org/lexicons/greek/gwview.cgi?n=2198

Resolutions, Sonic Screwdrivers and New Years

The last day of 2013 has come and gone. Already I have caught the first rays of light peaking over the horizon in this new year. 2014. How can this be, you ask.

I live in the future.

I am often asked by friends and family what the future holds, how the weather is in the future, or if the world still exists in the future. I rise to their antics because secretly it's my nerdy desire to somehow live in my own futuristic, sci-fi world.

Many of us are looking to the future today and falling into the trap of new years resolutions. Promising that this year will be different, that this year we won't fail. Really... we all know that we'll last a week or two, maybe others will be strong enough to last a month or maybe even three. And there's a very small percentage that will last almost the whole year. To them I say "Well done."

But how many of us can say we stuck to our resolutions for the whole year?

Do new years resolutions only lead to deferred hopes?

What are resolutions really anyway?

Resolution
rɛzəˈluːʃ(ə)n/
1. a firm decision to do or not to do something.
2. the quality of being determined or resolute.
google dictionary

Hmmm. I think we've forgotten what resolution really means or at least forgotten how to stick to our word when we make a New Years Resolution. I know reading googles definition definitely makes me pause for a moment and reconsider. 

Resolutions are serious business. 

In my last day of 2013 I was inspired to do many things, so badly wanting to make great New Years Resolutions. There's something about a clean slate. A New Year that kindles hope for new determination so I started making a mental list, but now, seeing what resolution really means, I fear I may not have what it takes to actually call my list New Years Resolutions. Maybe I'll call it a Wish List instead...

• write a gripping screenplay
• shoot said gripping screenplay
• maybe even act and produce said gripping screenplay
• play the piano again, maybe even take some lessons
• take voice lessons and start writing songs again
• restring my guitar so I can start writing said songs
• finish my novels
• get into shape, maybe even take dance lessons
• read through the whole bible
• visit my family
• travel to new places

It's a good list. I like my list.

However, when I step back and look at the logistics of doing ALL of that in one year. I know I may be shooting for the stars. I mean I do have three hundred and sixty-five days to do these things, but am I reaching too high? Probably.

I'm glad I called it a wish list.

Here's the thing. I'm thirty years old. Time is ticking by faster and faster every year. It's no joke kids, time really does move faster the older you get. I always thought it was a joke. It's not. I'm not even sure what happened to most of 2013! Time is precious and we've got no Time Machine to turn it back. No Crown DeLorean.

I want to do more.

So... how do we keep pushing forward? How do we hold on to our new years resolutions and find ourselves still living them out at the end of 2014? I wish I had some sci-fi gadget, like a sonic screwdriver that held the answer and fixed this plot hole, where I could press a button and all of us would live the life we desire.

Happily Ever After.

But I don't have a sonic screwdriver.

Here's what I do know. Happily Ever After's are a lot of hard work. All my favorite stories are full of difficult roads, darkness, pain and heart ache. This is what I have to keep in mind if I want to still be living out my wish list at the end of 2014.

This is why I have to call the list my New Years Resolutions.

What does that mean I have to look forward to? Three hundred and sixty-five days of Hard, Difficult and Pain.

The birds are beginning to wake in this new world, lifting up joyous melodies, inviting the first rays of light to turn away the night and welcome in the day. It's easy to look at Hard, Difficult and Pain and say it sounds exciting. I love and crave the adventure they promise. Living it out on the other hand is a lot more difficult. I'll probably fail, but I've got Batman's dad to remind me that we fall so that we can get back up. I think its time to start taking steps towards my Resolutions.

Even if I fail or fall. I just have to get back up and thankfully, I've got the best Dad in the world to pick me back up again and again and again.

Happy New Years everyone!