Resolutions, Sonic Screwdrivers and New Years

The last day of 2013 has come and gone. Already I have caught the first rays of light peaking over the horizon in this new year. 2014. How can this be, you ask.

I live in the future.

I am often asked by friends and family what the future holds, how the weather is in the future, or if the world still exists in the future. I rise to their antics because secretly it's my nerdy desire to somehow live in my own futuristic, sci-fi world.

Many of us are looking to the future today and falling into the trap of new years resolutions. Promising that this year will be different, that this year we won't fail. Really... we all know that we'll last a week or two, maybe others will be strong enough to last a month or maybe even three. And there's a very small percentage that will last almost the whole year. To them I say "Well done."

But how many of us can say we stuck to our resolutions for the whole year?

Do new years resolutions only lead to deferred hopes?

What are resolutions really anyway?

Resolution
rɛzəˈluːʃ(ə)n/
1. a firm decision to do or not to do something.
2. the quality of being determined or resolute.
google dictionary

Hmmm. I think we've forgotten what resolution really means or at least forgotten how to stick to our word when we make a New Years Resolution. I know reading googles definition definitely makes me pause for a moment and reconsider. 

Resolutions are serious business. 

In my last day of 2013 I was inspired to do many things, so badly wanting to make great New Years Resolutions. There's something about a clean slate. A New Year that kindles hope for new determination so I started making a mental list, but now, seeing what resolution really means, I fear I may not have what it takes to actually call my list New Years Resolutions. Maybe I'll call it a Wish List instead...

• write a gripping screenplay
• shoot said gripping screenplay
• maybe even act and produce said gripping screenplay
• play the piano again, maybe even take some lessons
• take voice lessons and start writing songs again
• restring my guitar so I can start writing said songs
• finish my novels
• get into shape, maybe even take dance lessons
• read through the whole bible
• visit my family
• travel to new places

It's a good list. I like my list.

However, when I step back and look at the logistics of doing ALL of that in one year. I know I may be shooting for the stars. I mean I do have three hundred and sixty-five days to do these things, but am I reaching too high? Probably.

I'm glad I called it a wish list.

Here's the thing. I'm thirty years old. Time is ticking by faster and faster every year. It's no joke kids, time really does move faster the older you get. I always thought it was a joke. It's not. I'm not even sure what happened to most of 2013! Time is precious and we've got no Time Machine to turn it back. No Crown DeLorean.

I want to do more.

So... how do we keep pushing forward? How do we hold on to our new years resolutions and find ourselves still living them out at the end of 2014? I wish I had some sci-fi gadget, like a sonic screwdriver that held the answer and fixed this plot hole, where I could press a button and all of us would live the life we desire.

Happily Ever After.

But I don't have a sonic screwdriver.

Here's what I do know. Happily Ever After's are a lot of hard work. All my favorite stories are full of difficult roads, darkness, pain and heart ache. This is what I have to keep in mind if I want to still be living out my wish list at the end of 2014.

This is why I have to call the list my New Years Resolutions.

What does that mean I have to look forward to? Three hundred and sixty-five days of Hard, Difficult and Pain.

The birds are beginning to wake in this new world, lifting up joyous melodies, inviting the first rays of light to turn away the night and welcome in the day. It's easy to look at Hard, Difficult and Pain and say it sounds exciting. I love and crave the adventure they promise. Living it out on the other hand is a lot more difficult. I'll probably fail, but I've got Batman's dad to remind me that we fall so that we can get back up. I think its time to start taking steps towards my Resolutions.

Even if I fail or fall. I just have to get back up and thankfully, I've got the best Dad in the world to pick me back up again and again and again.

Happy New Years everyone!

Be brave like the Snowbell

It thrives in cold climates. Lives in rocky, wet places. Prefers to be up high. On a mountain where the snow stays longest. Harsh conditions are best. Where it's strongest. Toughest.

Sounds romantic doesn't it? It's not.

It's lonely, cold. Harsh. The reality of this awesome place takes your breath away in its majestic beauty, but it also rips you apart. Bruises. Batters. Yet this is where, if you're brave, you find a small, delicate, violet flower. A Snowbell.

Snowbells grow under the snow. Imagine a domed roof of crystal. Sounds enchanting. Magical. It's incubated. Living in a warm haven from the cold world outside. Safe. But it doesn't stay there. It pushes through its protective palace. To blossom. To reveal its hidden beauty.

I first learn about this little flower just days before my mom calls with news that brings quick tears to my eyes. My beloved, loving aunt has passed away... For four days I hid in my house, watching what my housemate calls "depressing" movies. I'm caught off guard when she says that. To me they are deep and inspiring stories. I reluctantly pull back and examine them. They are depressing. All the films I choose are about eccentric, dysfunctional families. Where someone dies and the rest try to figure out how to keep going after their loved ones are gone.

This is how I process. I watch movies that remind me of my wonderful, quirky family. I cry with the characters as they learn how to say goodbye because, the truth is, I can't be with my family. I'm half way across the world from them.

I hate goodbyes.

I hate harsh realities.

But a little, purple flower keeps slapping me in the face.

Life is a lot like a Snowbell. Only I never feel quite ready to break into the cold world. There are moments I think I'm brave. Think that I'll push forward. But its a lot harder than I imagine. My aunt is gone and now there's a big hole.

I mourn. But not for her. She's in a better place. She's pain free and experiencing real life. She's pushed through the last snowflake domed roof this life can throw at her.

Her beauty is no longer hidden.

It's revealed.

I want to be like her and the Snowbell.

I can't join her. She's gone where I cannot follow. At least not right now. But I can and must use the hard things life throws at me to grow. I must push through life's snow domed impossibilities. Like saying goodbye. I realize I haven't made my heart public yet. My family has filled the pages of Facebook with their heart. I can't. It's not safe and all the words in the world feel empty and hollow. I can say I love her, it's true. I can say that I miss her. That I hurt for the family she leaves behind. It's all true but the words still feel void. Just like the emptiness I feel knowing I'll never hug her again. Never again hear her familiar, wonderful laughter. Laughter that tells me I am home. That I am with my family.

But I'm trying to be like my aunt. And like the Snowbell.

I must be vulnerable and brave.

Even when brick walls try to smother my progress. I must live. Really live. So here's my heart. It hurts. I'm confused. I miss my family. I miss my aunt... I remember she once bought me a thick, red towel. I remember she talked funny when she said "I love you, Cari". I remember she took me to Casa Bonita and the movies. I remember when she got excited about the plays she was in. I remember singing in the car with her and my cousins. I remember when she let herself be vulnerable in front of me and cried. I remember she opened her car by putting the remote under her chin. It always made me laugh. Seems silly that this is what I remember most. That silly remote. But it's real and the memories bring fresh pain. Just like the icy cold the Snowbell must feel the first time the bud pushes against the snow dome.

Letting the pain in doesn't feel good, but it's healthy. How else does the Snowbell reveal its bright royal colors? How else do we learn to really laugh?

And joy comes in the morning. I know it. The glorious sun shines down on the Snowbell and keeps it warm. The bright light causes the snow to sparkle. The Comforter stands next to my family. Next to me. I can release the pain and let the beauty in. I can laugh again.

My family is all together today, celebrating the life of my aunt. I wish I was there, but I'm still half way across the world. I hear the funeral was wonderful. Heart-warming. I'm not surprised. She was an amazing, loving woman. A great mother and wife. A wonderful aunt. I hear its snowing there now. Filling that world with wonderful, clean snow. How miraculous. My aunt. The Snowbell. Adorned with diamond jewels of crystalline snow.

No longer hidden.

Fully revealed.

Dancing, Bulls & God's Tattoos

"As for your writing... dance with the bulls."

About a year ago I wrote a letter to one of my favorite authors. I told him about my writing, never expecting him to respond, but hoping he would. He did! Now a year later his words still haunt me. "As for your writing, I hope you continue to dance with the bulls." These words speak of something I've let go, something I need to remember.

In the last few months one of my favorite things has fallen into the background, lying under a layer of dust, forgotten. My love for writing. I've let it drift to the back burner. I've also quit my work out routine. I'm frustrated & ready to give myself the biggest lecture ever & then I remember, it's not hard to see why these things have slipped into the background. I mean, I am currently leading a course which takes most of my time, I'm mentoring several people, teaching on several courses & my ministry just moved offices. My plate is pretty full. However, what I'm realizing is this is becoming an excuse. 

When was Excuses invited?

Yes, life is busy. Good busy. I love my life, but I don't want all these wonderful things I'm doing to be shaded with the color of excuses. If I continue choosing to let the busyness of life become an excuse then I will never get a book published, I will never reach my goal weight & I will never reach any other goal I set for myself. Why? Because Excuses will rule my life & before I know it, I'll be 50 & wonder what happened.

Excuses are like cancer.

New goal. 

STOP making excuses. There will always be one. "Oh I'm too tired." "I'm sick." "I tried, but it never worked out." "I'll do it later, or tomorrow, or next week."

Excuses are endless and they seek to devour our life, but I don't want to let it anymore.

Yesterday I read a novel in one sitting, it's called Divergent. The writing was engaging & provocative. Provocative in the sense that it woke something in me, a hunger to "Go the Distance" like the great song from Hercules. One of the characters in this novel, by Veronica Roth, gets a tattoo of a bird to remind herself of the fears she's choosing to overcome. Another character chooses to not let bullies or bruises stand in her way, she must overcome & so she doesn't tolerate the many excuses that face her.

I'm not gonna lie, after reading the book I wanted to go out and get a tattoo. Like now. Something that will be there for life to remind me of God's call, the one He put deep in my soul & tells me I am created for so much more than this. The one that will inspire me when I'm tempted by excuses. I already know what it will look like. It will be something like a stick figure dancing with bulls, because even though those big, ferocious animals scare the crummy out of me I'm gonna choose to dance with them instead of letting my fear get the better of me. Excuses aren't allowed, only dancing with bulls is welcome.

Please don't all jump from your chair and get the first tattoo you think of, I drew my bull and stick figure on my arm & immediately my friends told me "No", thank goodness for good friends. But really, look at the heart behind what I'm saying. Tattoos are awesome but right now I am being allegorical in my reference. 

God has already tattooed our hearts. 

We can try to silence the call God has placed in us & we can throw every excuse in the book at it, but it will still be there like a persistent badger. 

A forever mark of how we are meant to live. 

It's His call to adventure, whispering "I've got bigger plans for you." The moment we let this call to adventure free the more God can show us how limitless we are when He's leading our lives. With God, nothing is impossible. Especially when we choose to toss Excuses out the door. 

Excuses are no longer welcome.

New challenge. 

Kick Excuses out. Choose the limitless adventure of God's call. Let Him remind me of the dreams & stories he's got me to tell. Put pen to paper. Get my running shoes on & get out the door. 

What about you? 

Feeling provoked yet? Life is full of tomorrows that will never come.

It's time to run.

Exploring the Tangible Terrible & the Magical, Mystical Mystery

"If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world."

-C.S. Lewis

~

The first time I found this quote by one of my favorite authors, I longed for some portal that would transport me to this other world I knew I was really created for. Could I be like Lucy Pevensie and step into some magical wardrobe where all the Daughters of Eve were revealed in their true form to be Princesses and Queens? Where could I find the ship that would carry me to the shores of Middle Earth or Faerie?

My desire for this other world was so strong I decided to start breaking it down, what is it about those places that seem more real than this place called Earth? Here's some of the things I learned...

The Tangible Terrible 

In our world, Earth, we, present-day people, have so carefully wrapped ourselves up in dreams and bubbles. What I mean is, we have shut the world out and live safely behind hidden screens of computers, TV and video games. None of these things are wrong in proportion, but when most of our lives consist of us hiding behind these things we forget how to interact with the world outside our door. We fear like Bilbo or Frodo Baggins that once we step onto the Road there's no knowing where we will be swept away. Strangely enough, this is exactly what excites us about Narnia, Middle Earth and Faerie. There's nothing to hide behind in those worlds. In those other worlds the protagonist is forced to deal with the terrible tangible world they find themselves. Their fingernails are caked with dirt, the laugh lines on their faces are smudged with grime that won't come away. To me this sounds beautiful and terrible. Terrible in the "totally awesome" sense. However, stick me in the middle of the forest and I'll start freaking out about all the little bugs that happen to cross my path. This is mostly because I like many others, spend a lot of my time, hiding behind the computer or TV, I want this to change, I want to embrace life around me, I want to get dirty.

Cultural Wells

Another vast difference I've seen about these other worlds is traditions and the deep wells of culture that permeate every part of life. Living in this modern time things like Common Sense are not common anymore. We live in an age where we can do what we want, when we want and we don't have to worry about how it will affect anyone else. We get tattoos for the sake of getting a tattoo, we pierce our ears because everyone else is getting their ears pierced. We have trends that last for a moment and then we are forced to keep up with the newest and latest thing.

Unfortunately, these things sometimes mean the depth of our culture is lost in all the newest trends and fashion. Why else does this current generation go looking for typewriters or old books, or suitcases from the 1920's? We are searching for the depth of our culture, because what we have today only lasts for a moment. We're the microwave generation and demand everything now. But, in these other worlds things take time- sometimes years.

People in these worlds still got tattoos, but they were given with a purpose, they were used to identify who they were or the calling they had on their lives. People in these worlds still got piercings too, but again it was done with a purpose instead of it just being because. Common Sense not only exists, but there's also the unspoken Rules of Conduct. There are things like the Welcome Cup which, whether you like the person or not, you will offer it to them, because of common courtesy. Men in these stories cared more about honor than their own lives. Have we fallen short of something key to our society in this?

Journey = Story, not Blip

When I look at people traveling in these other worlds it takes time, with our modern conveniences of cars and planes, our stories have started to lose some of their depth because we count those times in the car or on planes as the blip in the timeline, instead of counting them as big parts of the story. If we counted the journey of Frodo and Sam as the blip to when they get to Mount Doom so much of their story would be gone and Sam's love and sacrifice would lose almost all of it's poignancy and depth. So maybe our story is really in the journey and not the destination.

Magical, Mystical Mystery
I think one of the things I love more than anything is the Great Mystery that permeates these stories. Only in fantasy is it possible for many people to experience that magical mystery of a Creator, or Someone higher than them. It's through these stories that we see more of what Love looks like in the flesh. Aslan is a perfect example of this. I just watched the Chronicles of Narnia the other day, I could probably write a book on the things these stories show me, but what I want to focus on now is the Majesty of Aslan. His character screams of mystery and magic. With one breath he turns stone into living flesh, with one growl he can scare the most evil witch. Even the massive water god waits for a small nod of approval from him before the god can wreck havoc on the bridge that's stopped its flow. And the more you get to know him, the bigger he becomes because we can comprehend more about him. Perhaps there is something about the idea of Magic that helps us come a little closer to the One who created us all. It's almost like magic opens a hidden door for us to experience more of His character. My words fail me for the perfect description of the AWESOME RAW AMAZINGNESS of His Mystical Mysterious Self...

There's so much I could say about Fantasy awakening in us something unique, but I will leave you with this quote and let you mull if over for yourself. For if I gave you all the answers, then there would be no adventure and thrill of discovery for yourself. Not that I have it all figured out myself...

~

"...Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is, and walk in it..."

-Jeremiah 6:16

Embracing My Tookish Side

A couple of weekends ago the annual Abbey Medieval Festival took place & a van load of YWAMers took off to go spend a day in the past. Naturally, I was one of them. My excuse for such a day of fun was research for my books, The Oak Guardian series & The Great Awakening trilogy. I am happy to report it was a complete success. Not only did I learn & experience new things from every day life of the Medieval past, but I learned about the sub-culture of the festival re-enactors too & it woke something "Tookish" inside of me.

“Then something Tookish woke up inside him, & he wished to go & see the great mountains, & hear the pine-trees & the waterfalls, & explore the caves, & wear a sword instead of a walking-stick.” The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien

At one of the many canvas tents was a mud-oven where re-enactors were baking hardy, brown bread. They were passing it out to all of us when another re-enactor came bounding up to get a piece of the delicious bread too & after a cute little exchange he bounded away again with his fresh & tasty treasure. The girl slicing the bread looked at us with a sparkle in her eye, said "That's my dad." & went back to preparing pieces for us to try & it suddenly hit me- this big event wasn't just a once a year party for us medieval loving people, but for these re-enactors it was a way of life.

After this, I spent about an hour talking with two re-enactors, each dressed to the nines as medieval knights. One was wearing a chain-mail shirt he hand made. During our chat I mentioned the girl & her father & the two re-enactors' eyes lit up. They began telling me how there were 3rd generation re-enactors at the festival, the kids of re-enactors had raised their kids in this sub-culture & now those kids were part of the festival too. Imagination ignited, I tried to picture the life these people led, they were living in the past & present all at once, totally embracing the fullest they could get out of both. They all made their own clothes- even their shoes! They all slept in canvas tents during the festival, eating mutton cooked over open fires, singing old songs & drinking honeyed mead. The REAL festival happened when all us "tourists" left & they got a moment living in the past.

There was something about this that stirred my soul. I'm still searching for an actual name for it, I've been searching for years. The closest I've come to naming it is what writers John Eldridge & Brent Curtis call a "Haunting" in their book The Sacred Romance. Or what Erwin Raphael McManus calls the "Barbarian" in his book The Barbarian Way. These names are great, but for me they still lack something... maybe it's because IT is too big for one or two words. How can we encapsulate a feeling & way of life in one word? All I know is this It, this stirring is raw & gritty. It's sun burnt faces with dirt etched into every wrinkle & pore, it's deep laugh lines & fierce eyes, it's knowing who & Who's you are, it's living boldly & passionately even in the midst of the scariest, deadliest storm. It's the great, big & wild adventure God calls each of us to live.

So often we want our lives to be plastic clean, or just safe & cozy like a warm little hobbit hole I know about, but God's adventure is quite the opposite, I always think of impulsive Peter who was ready to follow Jesus everywhere- even death. Who couldn't believe he would ever deny or abandon his Lord, who took up a sword & cut a man's ear off, because he thought he was defending his friend. He was raw & passionate & many times Jesus had to bring him correction. No doubt most us would look at a man like that & scowl at his rough-around-the-edges attitude, but not Jesus. Instead, Jesus saw how passionately Peter wanted to be part of the Haunting, Barbarian way of life & it was Peter he chose as the foundation of his church.  

"And I tell you that you are Peter, & on this rock I will build my church, & the gates of Hades will not overcome it." Matthew 16:18

It's our choice whether we will choose to risk it all for the sake of the better & bigger story or stay safe in our cozy little hobbit holes. I for one will be following in Bilbo, Peter's & those medieval re-enactors steps, you'll probably see me running down that Road shouting "I'm going on an adventure."

Wanna join me?

Happily Ever After? Nope Not Yet

"I choose to trust in Him no matter what the circumstances. He stays the same today, yesterday and tomorrow and the truth is, that He loves us and has a plan for our lives- to prosper us, to give us hope and a future bigger than our present circumstances."

Almost exactly a year ago today the quote above was my Facebook status. At the time I was experiencing the death of a dream so closely held and my heart was bleeding.

I'm sure we've all been there. You have a dream or vision for something you want to do with your life and for those with a bit of boldness you go for those dreams no matter what, even when they're uncomfortable or seem to be going in the exact opposite direction as your end goal. I did this. I held tightly to one particular dream for seven years and year after year it fell to the ground and I mourned it all over again. This year is different. After seven years of pushing through doubt, pain, blood, sweat and many a tear my dream is finally coming to fruition.

My dream is being born.

It's a testimony of God's character, He is blissfully the same today as yesterday and will be tomorrow. His plan may not always be comfortable or easy to travel, but when we choose the bigger story He has for us, I promise you, it won't be a disappointment.

BUT, the story doesn't stop there. Even when your dream is born into a tangible world and takes its first tentative steps, wobbling on shaky legs and breathing in the crisp, thicker air it's still only the beginning of the journey. I'm reminded of The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis where the ghosts couldn't walk on the soft grass because it was like walking on glass and even the smallest of apples was too heavy to carry. Just like those shadowy ghosts in The Great Divorce, our dreams have to step onto that land of sharp green, where picking up an apple is the most difficult thing ever.

This is where I am. My dream is here and I have to walk these new steps with it, it's a place I've never been before, so I can't walk comfortably, instead I get just as scared as my dream does. I can almost see my dream and I walking down a mountain path, tentatively stepping over fallen branches and avoiding the prickly bushes on either side. It's funny, I always thought once it came I would be a different person- that I would be someone I could admire, someone strong and wise, someone qualified for the job, but I'm still me, I've just walked a little further down the Road Tolkien talked about and I have no knowing where my feet are taking me.

It's terrifying but also exhilarating.

I'm being stretched and prepared and it makes me realize that even when I think the "Happily Ever After" has come, I still have to remain vulnerable and teachable, because this dream I've been given to care for needs me to remain pliable. The Big Story has only started and I find myself at that Call to Adventure moment and I must choose the adventure or turn back. If I turn back now, my dream and I won't experience the Big Story, but only a shadow of what it could have been. How incredibly awesome and powerful is our choice!?

We all love the end of the story because we can sit back and relax knowing the characters we loved are living a life of contentment, but even for them, the adventure doesn't stop there, we just don't always get to see what happens next.

Now I must choose... Will I choose the call to adventure yet again, knowing full well my dream and I will be at the mercy of the Story, knowing what we experience will not be safe and may in fact be very difficult and painful?

It's terrifying, but I defy any one of you not to be stirred with excitement by that Call.

So, what is my answer? Let the drums roll, let the many peoples shout. My answer is a resounding yes. It will always be YES, because no matter the difficulty ahead, my God is a mighty warrior and His plans for me are for good and I love the adventure because it gives me an opportunity to put my faith in action. I will choose to trust Him no matter what the circumstances, knowing when I come out the other side, my dream and I will be better for it and the Bigger, more Glorious Story will be told.

What will you choose?

Re-shoots, Deadlines & Miracles

Life has been one big adventure as of late, filled with being creative, working under pressure & being a part of miraculous answers to BIG production problems. I won't go into all the gory details, but I did want to share one quick story...

If I haven't said it before, I work with a film production company called, The Initiative. We are a fairly new little company run out of Youth With A Mission & last year we made our first feature film called, The Umbrella. Check out our website if you want to know more.

 

The Umbrella is in it's last stages of reshoots, we just sent off the final cut to our colorist & also to our composer. Times are very exciting. This last week we ran around like crazy, trying to get everything ready for the re-shoots & the following is just one little story from our ventures... 

 

It was Thursday night & Friday was our biggest re-shoots yet. Only, problem. Our actress cut all her hair off! When we shot with her last year, she had flowing, shoulder length, golden hair & now, she looked like Tinker Bell, cute as ever, but a big problem for the continuity of our film. Solution? Go to the nearest mall & search all the hair related stores for hair extensions or one of those clips with a fake bun. Not the greatest idea, but hey, it would work... right?

5:30PM, stores are already closing & the director is talking seriously about cancelling Friday's shoot. I ran to the mall, not willing to give up yet. -There's no excuses in filmmaking.- It HAD to work. At the first store I talk to one of the ladies working there & she cringes, saying nothing will work. She says our actresses hair is way too short to support any extensions. I suppress the knot growing in my throat, thank her kindly & head to another store. By this time my partner in crime, fellow crew member Proby & I realize this venture is going to be pretty costly. Most hair extensions are about $150 & we only have about $10 to work with. YIKES! We enter another store & find something similar it's also cheaper, but still way too expensive for us. And still the question tumbles through our brains- Will it even work? We head to the dollar store hoping against hope that we will find something there. Once there our hopes are dashed. Our hair is frazzled from worry & I'm begging God for help. 

 

We're desperate now, more stores are closing for the night & we are running out of options.

In a last ditch effort we decide to try the salons. Time is short so we split up. I head to the nearest salon, Proby heads to one down the way. When I arrive at the salon, no one is at the counter & I tell myself to remain calm, life as I know it is not over yet (me dramatic? Never) A kind lady approaches the counter & asks if she can help me. I smile. "I have a really bizarre question for you."

"Oh good, I love those." She says.

I sigh in relief and then launch into my story. The lady smiles as I continue to babble incoherently, then she excuses herself & says she may have a solution. Leaving the counter she heads to the back of the salon, by this time Proby has come back from the other salon with no luck.

I silently plead with God for some kind of miracle. We are out of time.

The lady comes back to the counter with a box overflowing with wigs of red, black, gold & brown. "I have no use for these." she says, "Maybe they could help."

I take one & look at it. She gets out a plastic bag & begins piling as many wigs as she can inside. All the while telling me how happy she is someone can get some use out of them. She digs in the box for all the blonde wigs & once satisfied that she has given me all of them she throws a few more red, black & brown wigs into the bag before handing it to me- free of charge.

WHAT?!

I'm speechless.

Do we really have a golden strand of hope to hang on to? (See what I did there?)

I thank the lady profusely before making a mad dash back to the office where I gather my unsuspecting co-worker, Zakk, to be my model as I fiddle with the wigs. We're all on the edges of our seat now, wondering, hoping, holding our breath to see if it's going to work.

Answer? It does.

It's a Christmas miracle! OK, it's not Christmas, but it's still a miracle. Thank you, God.

Lesson learned? God cares about the details of our lives. Not just the big important stuff, but the nitty gritty stuff too. He's pretty awesome like that :)

What the Flowers Taught Me

Once upon a time, there was a place
where everything was measured 

in values. Flowers were usually 5
values each, jars were worth 3 and 

buttons were worth half a value. Even people
were measured in values. 

Everyone prided themselves on knowing
their exact value, but there was one girl 

who had trouble calculating hers.

Sometimes the girl knew she was worth
50 values, other times she 

was sure she was only worth 10 and still other
times she convinced herself 

she was worth a 1,000 values.  Every day
the girl would try to tally up her 

value and every day the number would change.
Those around her would shout, "I'm worth
10,000 values." Or, "I'm worth 9,000 values."
Frustrated, she began to lose interest 

in many of the things that normally brought her
joy. After all when you think

you're only worth 20 values, there's
not much you can purchase.

Then one day a beautiful bouquet appeared for the girl. 

"Wow." she said, "this is surely
worth at least 30 values." Someone 

thought she was worth it! She relished
her flowers, taking in their scent, 

tracing their delicate shape with
her eyes and admiring the wonderful, 

bright colors. A few days passed
and the flowers began to droop. 

A few days more and they were all but withered.

Again the girl began to lose interest
in what normally brought her joy, 

but it didn't last long, for another
beautiful bouquet appeared. These 

were more beautiful than the last
and there were more of them too. 

"These are worth at least 50 values."
she said and again she was amazed 

someone would value her so much.

As the days and weeks passed
new bouquets took the place of the 

former and each time they
became more splendid than the last. 

The values increased too- 70
values, 100 values, even 500 values! 

The girl was amazed and began to
wonder where the flowers came from. 

Who was it that thought she was
worth so much? Who gave them? Joy for 

life ebbed back to her like rays
of sunshine and her laughter was 

often heard before she was seen.

One day she came bounding
into the room and caught a boy 

replacing dying flowers for new ones.

You!" she said, "Is it you who's
been increasing my value?"

The boy smiled, "While I am the Messenger
Prince, it is not I, but another, the King, 

who has been trying to show you your value."

Her hearts deepest question tumbled
out of her lips, "What is my value?"

"Why haven't you figured it out yet?"
the boy said. "Your value is higher 

than any number you know.
Indeed it goes beyond infinity."

The girl looked at the boy with
wide eyes. Could she really be 

worth so much? Valued at such
high measures? She looked at the new 

batch of flowers and knew what
he spoke was true. There in front of her 

stood the most exquisite and rare
flowers the world had to offer. One 

petal was worth at least 2,000
values and each flower held at least 50 

petals AND there were about
60 long stem flowers! This alone would 

have been enough for the girl, but
even the color of the flower had a value.

As rare as the flower was it had
only ever been found in yellow, peach 

and pink. These were blood red,
making their value doubled and tripled 

the normal values. To top it
off they sat in the most fragile and

creative crystal vase she had ever
seen. She knew it's value was probably

close to 10,000 values by itself and
here it sat with the rare and precious 

flowers worth more than she could
calculate and they were for her. Not for 

any reason in particular, simply
just because. She was valued more 

than infinity because her King said so.

It was then the girl realized not only
she was worth and valued more than 

infinity, but every citizen was worth
and valued more than infinity, her joy 

increased with new purpose. She
joined the boy, the Messenger Prince 

and became the Messenger
Grace, to help spread the news 

with flowers of great price.

(c) The Lesson of the Flowers by Charis Joy Jackson

for the boys who brought me flowers

~

This little tale is something God has been teaching me as of late. So often, we as a society let ourselves be defined by what we do, what we wear, what we listen to, who we choose as our friends and so many other things. We let them define our value and are constantly let down because no matter how "cool" we think we are none of those things can give us our true value. There's only One who can say who we really are and it's our choice whether we will listen to Him or not.

I for one am letting Him tell me who I am and you know what! I'm being amazed every day by how much He loves me and how cool He thinks I am. My little story is true, He really did shower me with months and months and months of new flowers. Every week I'd walk into my office and a new bunch of bright beauties would be sitting there, a silent, but fragrant declaration of God's love.

At the beginning of last year I told God I wanted to know what it meant to really be loved.

The Bible says "We love, because He first loved us." (John 4:19) We will never be able to love well until we let Him love us first. It can be a humbling experience to let someone else make the first move and for the first few months of 2012 I was terrified. I had never fully understood why my friends told me they loved me or why they even wanted to hang out with me, but God was determined that I would know what they see and more importantly that I would know what He sees in me.


He started off the year with blessing my heart with the news my sister was cancer free, then He followed that up with the funds and ability to fly home to see my parents.The rest of the year saw many more gifts from my King including a trip away to a fancy resort, another trip to the coast with my Lost Boys, a trip to Melbourne, coffee dates, new dresses, flowers and more. I didn't have to pay for any of it. It was all His gift of love to me.

I'm not saying last year was all daisies and tulips, in fact there were many times of hardship, pain and lost dreams. My sisters cancer came back for one, which was hard for me to understand, but through it God held me in his warm embrace and let me weep on His shoulder. All the while he stroked my hair and cried with me. I knew He really cared, I knew I could really turn to Him in every battle. I knew He loved me beyond any shadow of doubt. Then a few months later my sister was in complete remission, not even a sign of any tumor anywhere, I rejoiced and He rejoiced with me.

Throughout 2012 He taught me the importance of vulnerability in love and reminded me that if I really wanted to accept His love I would have to remove any walls of protection and trust to His good heart for me. It's not an easy thing to let someone so completely in and I am still learning. However, I can say I am completely undone by His goodness and love.

Recently, one of my friends posted a quote from the book Les Miserables, she's reading it at the moment and was being overwhelmed by the author's description of the Priest's relationship with God. I had to smile when I read the quote because it's exactly how I feel at the moment. It read, "He did not study God, he was dazzled by Him..." I am being dazzled by Him too.

"It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God."

Hebrews 10:31  

What about you? Will you take the risk, will you become vulnerable and let your walls down? Will you let the Love of your life show you how GOOD He is? Even if you don't believe in God, what do you have to lose? If He's not real, nothing will change and you can shrug your shoulders and carry on, BUT if He is real (and I know it!) your life may just become the thrilling, terrifying and wonderful experience you've been looking for. So. What do you say? Ready to jump?