Only Jesus Can

I came to a very sudden realization the other day. I always knew it, but somehow it just made more sense to me than normal- only Jesus can lead people to himself. All I can do is point the way. No matter how much I tell people about Him and His love for them, they will never believe it unless they accept it and the only one who can reach beyond the thick walls of flesh and bone to touch the heart is Jesus.

How much it must break His heart when He reaches out and still even then they choose not to trust His goodness. How much He must weep for their blindness.

Maybe you want to yell at me now and tell me that "Well if He's God then that shouldn't stop Him." But, that's the beauty and curse of creating a people and then giving them free will. He didn't want us to be puppets attached to strings in heaven. He didn't want to give us the script of our lives so that we can read the part perfectly. He wants us to trust Him because we choose it. He wants us to be unique individuals that create glory.

It's a good thing I'm not God, I think I'd get so heartbroken by some of the choices people make that I would want to force them to do what was right. It would be out of a loving heart for them, but then they would never learn and they would never really be able to return the love I have for them. Their lives would become false and stagnant and the beauty of creativity would not exist.

I love that God gave us free will... Reminds me of my students. One of my favorite things about teaching film is to see the stories that come out of their imaginations. I feel like J.M. Barrie in Finding Neverland when he passes the journal to the little boy, Peter. Peter asks what he should write and Barrie tells him to write about a talking whale. Little Peter looks at him quizzically and asks what whale. Barrie answers, "The one that's trapped in your imagination and desperate to get out." I love my students' creativity. If I love it, then how much more does God love the creativity we create? This only comes if we have a free will.

Somehow it makes me think of horses. I love horses and am also terrified of them. They are huge, powerful animals and when I touch them I can feel the raw power coursing through them. One simple lift of a foot or a slight movement of the head and you can see the perfect muscles rippling just under the surface. They are wild and beautiful and fully alive. Now imagine a puppet horse. Or even one of those horse outfits where two people jump inside and act like the horse. They are fun and for maybe a brief moment they bring laughter or joy, but it's only for a moment. The real animal continues to course with a life power that is so tangible that the joy and awe continues long after. In a weird way, we are like them. God didn't want the toy version, he wanted the relationship and lasting joy that comes with the real us.

Which leads me back to where I started. Only Jesus can break people's hearts, in order to heal them. Does that make sense? What I mean is, just like a horse is broken so it submits and trusts it's master, He breaks past our indifferences, our hurt, our anger, our beliefs. He breaks past the callousness of our hearts to transform us. Make us more into our true selves. He's not interested in puppets, He's interested in living, creative and powerful people.

I can only point the way to this awesome guy and trust Jesus will take them the rest of the way.

What Jesus Felt

I've always wanted to be a leader and mentor. Maybe this sounds a bit vain, but I thought I'd be pretty good at it.

Lately, I've been thinking about the hardships that come with being a leader. Not just the hardships, but the responsibility and the work that goes into each and every relationship. You're life is not your own anymore, everyone critiques the way you do things and no one fully gets how much of your heart you put into even just the little things.

In a weird way it's like being a parent and having the world watch on as you try to bring discipline to your children. Whether your children are the people you lead or the courses you run, or the topics you speak on, it's all critiqued. In some cases it's not just critiqued, it's rejected. When that happens, it breaks your heart. It's like the prodigal son who chose to walk away from his father, but took all the hard work his father put aside for him and wasted it like it was garbage (his inheritance).

I came home crying over this today and in my heart wrenching whine to my wonderful and enduring housemate, I suddenly thought of Jesus. Sure, I pour my heart into those I mentor, I love them. I see their potential and I so badly want them to see it too and start living it. It physically hurts when they don't see how awesome they are and choose instead to put themselves down. Sometimes I have to stop myself from shoving the truth down their throats, I mean how can they not see what I see?

Yet, how much more does Jesus feel this way about us? I mean He went pretty far to show how much He believed in us. He fought so hard for us to see ourselves the way He sees us. And He thought we were worth redeeming- enough to take our place and die for us. He gave more than just His heart, He gave everything.

Maybe only those who have been or are in leadership will really get this post, but this thought really made me think today. When those I'm mentoring reject me or ridicule my efforts it hurts. But how much more does Jesus' heart break when we reject Him and His word? All He's trying to do is help us to live fully, to be people who are so tangible and creative that we create glory in everything we touch. If we really stepped into what He has for us, the air would be thick with something like fairy dust. Only it would be bigger and better.

Light Afflictions

I've been thinking about afflictions lately. The Bible talks about them like they were really easy and light and only last for the night, but when one is in the middle of affliction it feels like you'll never see the silver lining of that dark looming cloud.

A few years ago, I was smack in the middle of one of these afflictions, I would journal every night and every entry seemed to be the same "Who am I?", or "Why me?" or "What's the point?". They were all so dismal and sad that even now it's hard to go back and read through them. I'd try to end my entries with something I'd learned or a piece of encouragement, but they never seemed to help, I'd just fall right back into the funk the next day. This is what happens when you are lost in the wilderness of afflictions or hardships.

I remember during one of those days, I was doing laundry, we didn't have a drier where I lived so I was out back hanging my clothes. As I pinned one after another the sky above me darkened. This only served to depress me more. Great, can't even wash my clothes right. You know, that sort of thought pattern. However I kept hanging my clothes in defiance. Shouting at God to ease up on me, let me at least get one freaking thing right. That's when I looked up at the sky. I raised my face to shout only to discover the dark sky- the affliction, so to speak- was one tiny white little cloud that was covering the sun. Wow. Talk about an overreaction. In that moment I had to laugh, but I ended up in tears. It was like God was saying, "I see the pain you are in. I know your burdens, but what I have for you, compared to this affliction is so much bigger."

It was a life changing moment for me. One that I could carry through the rest of that light affliction. The picture of a massive blue sky unfolding in every direction with only one tiny cloud.

Today I was hit with this reminder from the past. The lies, doubts and the apathy that loves to accompany them seemed to stand forever at the door, their persistence was overwhelming and my physical body seemed unable to hold them off. I couldn't get warm enough and I couldn't sleep long enough. Temptation crept through the corners of my mind and their alluring voices almost dragged me away, out of the light, out of the truth. Thankfully God spoke stronger than the others and reminded me of this simple truth- though life may seem difficult for the moment. It will pass, the light will return.

At the end of my life I want to be able to say that I stood strong, that I didn't lose hope and that I carried on for a higher purpose then what I could currently see. The walls (afflictions) only stand for a short while and then we will be given the strength to either knock them down or climb over them. Or realize that they are only apparitions and walk through them, confusing their efforts and watch them swirl away in the mist.

When I chose to cling to Him today the voices dimmed and though I still felt cold and I was still tired and hungry, the weight, the oppression seemed lighter and all I could think of was "light affliction".

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an 

eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison"

2 Cor. 4:17

No matter where life takes you, whether the storms seem to rage ever on and on, or the sky seems to never let the sun come out and play. Take courage, take heart. This life is but a shadow compared to the big adventure awaiting us in the Ever After. Whatever light affliction you are facing, hold on to hope that this too shall pass. God says that it will and I believe Him. He is a pretty smart guy after all; and when it does we will see those glorious silver linings and our hearts will be gladdened.