What the Flowers Taught Me

Once upon a time, there was a place
where everything was measured 

in values. Flowers were usually 5
values each, jars were worth 3 and 

buttons were worth half a value. Even people
were measured in values. 

Everyone prided themselves on knowing
their exact value, but there was one girl 

who had trouble calculating hers.

Sometimes the girl knew she was worth
50 values, other times she 

was sure she was only worth 10 and still other
times she convinced herself 

she was worth a 1,000 values.  Every day
the girl would try to tally up her 

value and every day the number would change.
Those around her would shout, "I'm worth
10,000 values." Or, "I'm worth 9,000 values."
Frustrated, she began to lose interest 

in many of the things that normally brought her
joy. After all when you think

you're only worth 20 values, there's
not much you can purchase.

Then one day a beautiful bouquet appeared for the girl. 

"Wow." she said, "this is surely
worth at least 30 values." Someone 

thought she was worth it! She relished
her flowers, taking in their scent, 

tracing their delicate shape with
her eyes and admiring the wonderful, 

bright colors. A few days passed
and the flowers began to droop. 

A few days more and they were all but withered.

Again the girl began to lose interest
in what normally brought her joy, 

but it didn't last long, for another
beautiful bouquet appeared. These 

were more beautiful than the last
and there were more of them too. 

"These are worth at least 50 values."
she said and again she was amazed 

someone would value her so much.

As the days and weeks passed
new bouquets took the place of the 

former and each time they
became more splendid than the last. 

The values increased too- 70
values, 100 values, even 500 values! 

The girl was amazed and began to
wonder where the flowers came from. 

Who was it that thought she was
worth so much? Who gave them? Joy for 

life ebbed back to her like rays
of sunshine and her laughter was 

often heard before she was seen.

One day she came bounding
into the room and caught a boy 

replacing dying flowers for new ones.

You!" she said, "Is it you who's
been increasing my value?"

The boy smiled, "While I am the Messenger
Prince, it is not I, but another, the King, 

who has been trying to show you your value."

Her hearts deepest question tumbled
out of her lips, "What is my value?"

"Why haven't you figured it out yet?"
the boy said. "Your value is higher 

than any number you know.
Indeed it goes beyond infinity."

The girl looked at the boy with
wide eyes. Could she really be 

worth so much? Valued at such
high measures? She looked at the new 

batch of flowers and knew what
he spoke was true. There in front of her 

stood the most exquisite and rare
flowers the world had to offer. One 

petal was worth at least 2,000
values and each flower held at least 50 

petals AND there were about
60 long stem flowers! This alone would 

have been enough for the girl, but
even the color of the flower had a value.

As rare as the flower was it had
only ever been found in yellow, peach 

and pink. These were blood red,
making their value doubled and tripled 

the normal values. To top it
off they sat in the most fragile and

creative crystal vase she had ever
seen. She knew it's value was probably

close to 10,000 values by itself and
here it sat with the rare and precious 

flowers worth more than she could
calculate and they were for her. Not for 

any reason in particular, simply
just because. She was valued more 

than infinity because her King said so.

It was then the girl realized not only
she was worth and valued more than 

infinity, but every citizen was worth
and valued more than infinity, her joy 

increased with new purpose. She
joined the boy, the Messenger Prince 

and became the Messenger
Grace, to help spread the news 

with flowers of great price.

(c) The Lesson of the Flowers by Charis Joy Jackson

for the boys who brought me flowers

~

This little tale is something God has been teaching me as of late. So often, we as a society let ourselves be defined by what we do, what we wear, what we listen to, who we choose as our friends and so many other things. We let them define our value and are constantly let down because no matter how "cool" we think we are none of those things can give us our true value. There's only One who can say who we really are and it's our choice whether we will listen to Him or not.

I for one am letting Him tell me who I am and you know what! I'm being amazed every day by how much He loves me and how cool He thinks I am. My little story is true, He really did shower me with months and months and months of new flowers. Every week I'd walk into my office and a new bunch of bright beauties would be sitting there, a silent, but fragrant declaration of God's love.

At the beginning of last year I told God I wanted to know what it meant to really be loved.

The Bible says "We love, because He first loved us." (John 4:19) We will never be able to love well until we let Him love us first. It can be a humbling experience to let someone else make the first move and for the first few months of 2012 I was terrified. I had never fully understood why my friends told me they loved me or why they even wanted to hang out with me, but God was determined that I would know what they see and more importantly that I would know what He sees in me.


He started off the year with blessing my heart with the news my sister was cancer free, then He followed that up with the funds and ability to fly home to see my parents.The rest of the year saw many more gifts from my King including a trip away to a fancy resort, another trip to the coast with my Lost Boys, a trip to Melbourne, coffee dates, new dresses, flowers and more. I didn't have to pay for any of it. It was all His gift of love to me.

I'm not saying last year was all daisies and tulips, in fact there were many times of hardship, pain and lost dreams. My sisters cancer came back for one, which was hard for me to understand, but through it God held me in his warm embrace and let me weep on His shoulder. All the while he stroked my hair and cried with me. I knew He really cared, I knew I could really turn to Him in every battle. I knew He loved me beyond any shadow of doubt. Then a few months later my sister was in complete remission, not even a sign of any tumor anywhere, I rejoiced and He rejoiced with me.

Throughout 2012 He taught me the importance of vulnerability in love and reminded me that if I really wanted to accept His love I would have to remove any walls of protection and trust to His good heart for me. It's not an easy thing to let someone so completely in and I am still learning. However, I can say I am completely undone by His goodness and love.

Recently, one of my friends posted a quote from the book Les Miserables, she's reading it at the moment and was being overwhelmed by the author's description of the Priest's relationship with God. I had to smile when I read the quote because it's exactly how I feel at the moment. It read, "He did not study God, he was dazzled by Him..." I am being dazzled by Him too.

"It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God."

Hebrews 10:31  

What about you? Will you take the risk, will you become vulnerable and let your walls down? Will you let the Love of your life show you how GOOD He is? Even if you don't believe in God, what do you have to lose? If He's not real, nothing will change and you can shrug your shoulders and carry on, BUT if He is real (and I know it!) your life may just become the thrilling, terrifying and wonderful experience you've been looking for. So. What do you say? Ready to jump?

Judge Not

Last week I went to a conference on faith and healing. When I first got there I realized how much I don't like hanging out with people any more. I've spent so much time hiding away in the safety of my home over the last few months, that staying in a dorm with 11 other girls and sitting for long hours in a crowded room listening to inspirational stories didn't seem like a good idea. Yet somehow I volunteered for the job... hmmm? Maybe the extrovert in me was screaming to get out.

I'm glad I listened.

It wasn't easy though. On arrival all I wanted to do was hide. People were too bouncy, loud and happy. Eck! Then as I pushed myself to engage and interact with those around me, I remembered why I love people so much. Every single person is so unique and interesting. It's like God gives me glimpses of how entertaining and beautiful people really are.

The conference started and immediately I found myself wanting to run and hide again. Or worse, judge those around me. Conferences always seem to pull people's personalities into extremes and there were definitely some extreme mannerisms and I definitely found myself judging them, criticising them in my mind for not being real or genuine. But then God started whispering a verse to me... "...work out your salvation with fear and trembling..."(Phil. 2:12b). Then fragments of Dances with Wolves and other stories started to pop up in my mind about how the Navahos, Mohicans and so many others were judged for their "savage" ways of dealing with things. People didn't understand their passion or dramatic ways. That's when God reminded me of King David, dancing before the Lord in his underwear...

Sheesh. God sure knows how to lay it thick sometimes. I got the point. Don't judge. Though I may not always understand why people do silly things, God sees the heart and I don't need to worry about it. He's the Judge. Not me.

As soon as I was able to get this through my thick skull, I not only saw these people in a different light, but I became more free to be ridiculous. Ok maybe I wasn't dancing half naked during a worship song, but I was definitely letting God move me and by doing so, He was allowed to bring some serious healing. He lavished my little heart with his magnificent Father's love. He held me close so I could hear His heart beat. He spoke words of life over me and released a giggle bomb-- I was laughing so hard I was crying. He did all this through different people at the conference. During one session a father pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't think about what others around me were thinking. I didn't even hesitate to let myself lean into him. The result? A God experience like I've never felt before.

We may not always get the ways of the Lord, but who are we to judge what He choses to do? The bible says "His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts." (Is. 55:8-9). He gets it, we may not, but how cool would it be if we could switch off that judgmental button and just go for the ride God has for us?

My personal belief is that it would be the best ride of our lives.

So, who's with me? Who wants to agree with David when he said " I will become even more undignified than this..."? (2 Sam. 7:22a) It won't always be pretty. People will still be human and judge you, ridicule you, maybe even despise you, BUT, as that good ol' prophet Nehemiah said, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (Neh. 8:10) As long as we stand in the Presence we won't be worrying about what people think.

One final thought. The key note speaker at this conference said when we focus on the problem looking for answers, we won't find it there, because the answer is not in the problem, but in the Presence." I was reading through the Psalms today and God just confirmed this even more...

"Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? 

Why are you crying the blues? 

Fix my eyes on God -- 

soon I'll be praising again. 

He puts a smile on my face. 

He's my God."

Ps. 42:11

I challenge you. Think about it.

Yes, erm I mean No. Umm NO!

I just saw an advertisement for a diamond ring, the slug line above the sparkling stone said something along the lines of "Ethical Diamond Rings"...

It got me thinking, how funny is it that we have to put words like "Ethical" into advertizements about diamond rings... I know specifically that there is the whole concern that people don't want to be buying blood diamonds, but this isn't the first time I've seen something like this and it's not always for diamonds. Why is it that we have to put words like "ethical" into our adverts? My theory is because people are no longer trusted on their word. We have fought more and more to find a way to make our products look important and cool and healthy. We do anything that we can to make that happen, including twisting words and truth.

Many people these days say that truth is relative, but is that really correct? Are there not some things that we all agree with deep down inside our hearts? Let's take the blood diamond for example. Am I right in thinking that most, if not all people, recognize that blood diamonds are wrong. The movie Blood Diamond had all of us in the western world demanding jewelers to tell us their product was blood free. We all agree that it is wrong. This is truth and it's not relative. It's solid. Truth is truth. What's true for me, is true for others. Not "What's true for me, may not be true for you."

I'm not going to launch on a big spiel about what truth is and what it is not. The only one who can really tell you what truth is or not is, is God. I will leave the issues to Him. What I do want to talk about is how our culture today is searching for things that are real and solid to their core. Could it be that we are looking for people, businesses, etc to be truthful?

There used to be a time in history, when you could walk into a store, grab what you need, turn to the owner and say, "Put it on my tab." Neighbors could come and ask to borrow a cup of sugar, because you knew they would give you back sugar when they could. What people said was what they meant.

How far has our world come from this? We hesitate at lending things, we hesitate on trusting that a person will show up when they said they would. Why? Because our word is no longer our word.

Being a person of your word is one of the most important things to me. When I tell people something, I want it to be something they can trust. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I get if things change and my word becomes something that is no longer truth. One of the reasons this is so grounded in me, comes from a story I read from the Bible...

The Israelite's were told not to make alliances with any of their neighbors and when one of their neighbors disguised themselves as a nation that had traveled far to come and make an alliance with them, they readily agreed, not taking time to seek the Lord. After entering the agreement, it was revealed that these were their next door neighbors. Immediately, the Israelites wanted to break their alliance and fight their neighbors for their deception, but God told them that they had to be men of their word.

There is so much more to this topic that I want to discuss in future blogs, but for now, I want to challenge you to join me in my goal to see our word be our word. If you say you are going to show up somewhere, be there. If you promise to do something or return something, do it. Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no". I know I still have far to go for this to be something I live by, but how different would our world be if we all lived this way...

Think about it.

The BIG and short of it

I've always loved to write. It's been one of my biggest passions in life. I love the freedom, the creativity and the adventures. I love to lose myself in the story and the world it creates. Sometimes, story is more real to me than life. Maybe someone reading thinks that's unhealthy, but I chalk it up to the wild imagination God gave me.

Throughout my twenty-nine years of life I've written several short stories and started several novels, but I've never had the staying power to complete them. I've often wondered at this. Wondered if I am not disciplined enough or talented enough, but I think it's more along the lines of loving my new worlds so much that I don't want to see them come to a close. Does that make sense? I do the same thing with scrapbooks. Several of the adventures I've gone on in life, the people I've met and the places I've gone fill pages and pages of scrapbooks. However, I never finish them. I hate to see those adventures come to a close, because I know that the people I met or the places I've been will slowly leave my immediate circle of life and be shoved in some corner to be covered in dust, only to be pulled out every once in a while to relive the memories.

Maybe I have a problem of letting go.

It's true, actually, but I am growing in this process of holding life in my open palm verses clutching it tightly in my fist.

At the beginning of of this year, I made a resolution to start writing more. I set an easy goal for myself. Twelve short stories for the whole year. That meant I only needed to write one short story a month. Easy. I told a friend about this idea and he decided to join me, we were going to embark on this together, so there would be accountability for us and we would have to write, because someone was waiting to read.

So, I started a short story. I wrote out the basic outline of what I wanted to happen and once satisfied, I started writing. Around page nine I realized I was still at the very beginning of my "short story". I joked that I was writing a long short story, but then again around page twenty-three I realized I could no longer call my story a short story. So I joked about writing a novella. Then again around page fifty I realized it was a novel.

Excited about my tenacity for the story I shared it with my sister who is a published author, shared it with my mom (who's my biggest fan) and then shared it with several other friends who love stories. Every single person giving me positive reports. This served to fuel my passion and love for the story even more and my fingers flew over the keyboard.

This "short" story began turning into more and more of a monster, until I realized I wasn't just writing a novel, but the first novel in a series of seven! Welcome to the Chronicles of the Oak Guardian. Wait, what? How did that happen?!

I'm convinced this has come about because of God. Somehow it was like I finally got it. I didn't hold tightly to my story. I didn't over analyze every single word and every single character. Instead, I trusted the story and trusted God's desire to co-create it with me. The result? I have a finished draft of the first book and have already started the next.

Now hear me out, I'm not saying my book is going to be the best ever because God co-created it with me, what I am saying is that when we learn to hold things loosely it gives God room to expand our horizon. It gives Him room to tell a BIGGER story, then the small, "short" story we intended.

So often in life we let fear of failure or even fear of success hold us back. We tell ourselves that only those people over there are good enough to accomplish great things, or only those people have the creativity, or the smarts or the charm to pull off the impossible. Maybe, just maybe, God is wanting us to know that any one of us CAN pull off the impossible, because He wants to give us those impossible things. Does that make sense? Let me put it another way, if someone tells you you're beautiful or handsome, what's your response? I know for years and years my response has been "Oh, you need glasses" or some thing along those lines. Why can't we believe that those people are maybe telling the truth, that we are beautiful? Maybe all along God has been telling us that we can accomplish those things that feel so far out of our reach and it's been us that have turned the deaf ear and said, "Keep dreaming, that could never be me."

I started off a short story and let God turn it into the first novel in a series of seven. Something meant to be so short has turned into something massive. What if God has something like this in store for you and He's just waiting for you to hold your dream in the palm of your hand so that He can turn it into something BIG.

The road still stretches far out in front of me. I am after all only 1 draft in to the first novel of seven, but somehow I'm not nervous. Somehow I'm not concerned that I won't have enough to write, that I'll get near the end and feel like I'm beating a dead horse, why, because I know that my Creator, who lives in and moves in creativity will be there each step of the way to reveal more and more of the BIG story He's got....

If you've managed to keep reading this very long blog, congratulations. I leave you now with this challenge. What are the passions you have in life? What is the BIG story God has for you? Will you step out of the mediocrity and step in to the adventure? Or will you let fear hold you back? I beg you, trust God. He's the ONLY one who is trustworthy and the best part- He has a GREAT adventure for each one of us, if only we will let Him be a part of it. Hold your dreams and passions with an open hand. Invite God in to your hearts dreams and marvel at the BIG Story He has for you. You may just find yourself pleasantly surprised.

Only Jesus Can

I came to a very sudden realization the other day. I always knew it, but somehow it just made more sense to me than normal- only Jesus can lead people to himself. All I can do is point the way. No matter how much I tell people about Him and His love for them, they will never believe it unless they accept it and the only one who can reach beyond the thick walls of flesh and bone to touch the heart is Jesus.

How much it must break His heart when He reaches out and still even then they choose not to trust His goodness. How much He must weep for their blindness.

Maybe you want to yell at me now and tell me that "Well if He's God then that shouldn't stop Him." But, that's the beauty and curse of creating a people and then giving them free will. He didn't want us to be puppets attached to strings in heaven. He didn't want to give us the script of our lives so that we can read the part perfectly. He wants us to trust Him because we choose it. He wants us to be unique individuals that create glory.

It's a good thing I'm not God, I think I'd get so heartbroken by some of the choices people make that I would want to force them to do what was right. It would be out of a loving heart for them, but then they would never learn and they would never really be able to return the love I have for them. Their lives would become false and stagnant and the beauty of creativity would not exist.

I love that God gave us free will... Reminds me of my students. One of my favorite things about teaching film is to see the stories that come out of their imaginations. I feel like J.M. Barrie in Finding Neverland when he passes the journal to the little boy, Peter. Peter asks what he should write and Barrie tells him to write about a talking whale. Little Peter looks at him quizzically and asks what whale. Barrie answers, "The one that's trapped in your imagination and desperate to get out." I love my students' creativity. If I love it, then how much more does God love the creativity we create? This only comes if we have a free will.

Somehow it makes me think of horses. I love horses and am also terrified of them. They are huge, powerful animals and when I touch them I can feel the raw power coursing through them. One simple lift of a foot or a slight movement of the head and you can see the perfect muscles rippling just under the surface. They are wild and beautiful and fully alive. Now imagine a puppet horse. Or even one of those horse outfits where two people jump inside and act like the horse. They are fun and for maybe a brief moment they bring laughter or joy, but it's only for a moment. The real animal continues to course with a life power that is so tangible that the joy and awe continues long after. In a weird way, we are like them. God didn't want the toy version, he wanted the relationship and lasting joy that comes with the real us.

Which leads me back to where I started. Only Jesus can break people's hearts, in order to heal them. Does that make sense? What I mean is, just like a horse is broken so it submits and trusts it's master, He breaks past our indifferences, our hurt, our anger, our beliefs. He breaks past the callousness of our hearts to transform us. Make us more into our true selves. He's not interested in puppets, He's interested in living, creative and powerful people.

I can only point the way to this awesome guy and trust Jesus will take them the rest of the way.

What Jesus Felt

I've always wanted to be a leader and mentor. Maybe this sounds a bit vain, but I thought I'd be pretty good at it.

Lately, I've been thinking about the hardships that come with being a leader. Not just the hardships, but the responsibility and the work that goes into each and every relationship. You're life is not your own anymore, everyone critiques the way you do things and no one fully gets how much of your heart you put into even just the little things.

In a weird way it's like being a parent and having the world watch on as you try to bring discipline to your children. Whether your children are the people you lead or the courses you run, or the topics you speak on, it's all critiqued. In some cases it's not just critiqued, it's rejected. When that happens, it breaks your heart. It's like the prodigal son who chose to walk away from his father, but took all the hard work his father put aside for him and wasted it like it was garbage (his inheritance).

I came home crying over this today and in my heart wrenching whine to my wonderful and enduring housemate, I suddenly thought of Jesus. Sure, I pour my heart into those I mentor, I love them. I see their potential and I so badly want them to see it too and start living it. It physically hurts when they don't see how awesome they are and choose instead to put themselves down. Sometimes I have to stop myself from shoving the truth down their throats, I mean how can they not see what I see?

Yet, how much more does Jesus feel this way about us? I mean He went pretty far to show how much He believed in us. He fought so hard for us to see ourselves the way He sees us. And He thought we were worth redeeming- enough to take our place and die for us. He gave more than just His heart, He gave everything.

Maybe only those who have been or are in leadership will really get this post, but this thought really made me think today. When those I'm mentoring reject me or ridicule my efforts it hurts. But how much more does Jesus' heart break when we reject Him and His word? All He's trying to do is help us to live fully, to be people who are so tangible and creative that we create glory in everything we touch. If we really stepped into what He has for us, the air would be thick with something like fairy dust. Only it would be bigger and better.

Light Afflictions

I've been thinking about afflictions lately. The Bible talks about them like they were really easy and light and only last for the night, but when one is in the middle of affliction it feels like you'll never see the silver lining of that dark looming cloud.

A few years ago, I was smack in the middle of one of these afflictions, I would journal every night and every entry seemed to be the same "Who am I?", or "Why me?" or "What's the point?". They were all so dismal and sad that even now it's hard to go back and read through them. I'd try to end my entries with something I'd learned or a piece of encouragement, but they never seemed to help, I'd just fall right back into the funk the next day. This is what happens when you are lost in the wilderness of afflictions or hardships.

I remember during one of those days, I was doing laundry, we didn't have a drier where I lived so I was out back hanging my clothes. As I pinned one after another the sky above me darkened. This only served to depress me more. Great, can't even wash my clothes right. You know, that sort of thought pattern. However I kept hanging my clothes in defiance. Shouting at God to ease up on me, let me at least get one freaking thing right. That's when I looked up at the sky. I raised my face to shout only to discover the dark sky- the affliction, so to speak- was one tiny white little cloud that was covering the sun. Wow. Talk about an overreaction. In that moment I had to laugh, but I ended up in tears. It was like God was saying, "I see the pain you are in. I know your burdens, but what I have for you, compared to this affliction is so much bigger."

It was a life changing moment for me. One that I could carry through the rest of that light affliction. The picture of a massive blue sky unfolding in every direction with only one tiny cloud.

Today I was hit with this reminder from the past. The lies, doubts and the apathy that loves to accompany them seemed to stand forever at the door, their persistence was overwhelming and my physical body seemed unable to hold them off. I couldn't get warm enough and I couldn't sleep long enough. Temptation crept through the corners of my mind and their alluring voices almost dragged me away, out of the light, out of the truth. Thankfully God spoke stronger than the others and reminded me of this simple truth- though life may seem difficult for the moment. It will pass, the light will return.

At the end of my life I want to be able to say that I stood strong, that I didn't lose hope and that I carried on for a higher purpose then what I could currently see. The walls (afflictions) only stand for a short while and then we will be given the strength to either knock them down or climb over them. Or realize that they are only apparitions and walk through them, confusing their efforts and watch them swirl away in the mist.

When I chose to cling to Him today the voices dimmed and though I still felt cold and I was still tired and hungry, the weight, the oppression seemed lighter and all I could think of was "light affliction".

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an 

eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison"

2 Cor. 4:17

No matter where life takes you, whether the storms seem to rage ever on and on, or the sky seems to never let the sun come out and play. Take courage, take heart. This life is but a shadow compared to the big adventure awaiting us in the Ever After. Whatever light affliction you are facing, hold on to hope that this too shall pass. God says that it will and I believe Him. He is a pretty smart guy after all; and when it does we will see those glorious silver linings and our hearts will be gladdened.